The police don’t just have a racism problem — they have a marketing one

And what they can learn from Pepsi, Planned Parenthood, and other organizations.

If the police were a brand, how would you view them?

Branding, which marketer Seth Godin defines as, “… the set of expectations, memories, stories, and relationships, that taken together, account for a consumer’s decision to choose one product/service over another”.

Well, shit. The police have none of that. In fact, their marketing sits on top the dung pile of which “New Coke” and Burger King are included.

Pepsi, on the other hand, knows a thing or two about branding. Their infamous Pepsi Challenge humiliated Coca Cola and stole market share.

Then they hired Kendall Jenner, ugh…

But isn’t branding just for big corporations like Nike, and over the top electronics stores? Not at all. Take Planned Parenthood for example.

Pro-life protesters often overwhelm clinics, harassing staff and patients.

So Planned Parenthood did something brilliant; they created the “Pledge-a-Picket” campaign, where for every protester on any given day, supporters would donate money. The more protesters there are, the more money they raised for Planned Parenthood. They ended up raising $50,000.

Whether you are a NGO, non-profit, Fortune 500, ma and pop shop; every organization requires some degree of marketing/branding.

The police are no exception.

This article is not a discussion on social justice or racism; it’s meant to explore how the police can better handle suspects, protests, improve their image, and connect with their communities.

It’s also an exercise in creativity, and hopefully will inspire you to come up with ideas of your own for work, business.

A warning: some of these ideas are… unusual. But all memorable marketing usually is. So let’s start with an especially wacky idea that tackles the issue of excessive force.

Idea #1: Eliminate choke holds and knees, replacing it with the ancient art of touching, gargalesis

Otherwise known as tickling.

Yup, you read that right. Tickling.

Just imagine a beefy cop approaching a suspect gleefully proclaiming, “Here comes the tickle monster!”.

Tickling a suspect into submission is both hysterical and unsettling at the same time; a way to neutralize an otherwise tense situation, reducing it to laughter and awkwardness.

Think it’s stupid? If the alternative is getting a knee drilled into your neck and slowly asphyxiating to death, which one would you rather be subjected to?

Idea #2: Walk with the people, not against them.

It seems so simplistic, but anytime police marches towards protesters, it sends the message of “it’s you against us”.

So anytime there is a protest, the police should walk side by side with the protestors, or at least head in the same direction.

Idea #3: Police should wear different color uniforms.

Carl Jung called color the “mother tongue of the subconscious”.

There’s a reason why stop signs are red. Or why the LGBTQ community adopted the rainbow as their calling card. And why we are superstitious of a black cat instead of a white one.

The police wear black for a reason. It’s a physical manifestation of authority; a trigger of fear. Just ask any black person in America how they feel when confronted with a police uniform.

If the people perceive police as enforcers, their fight or flight instincts kick in. And it’s the former that usually wins out. The goal is to emanate a calming presence.

So police should wear something way out of the ordinary. Like pink.

Before you criticize, pause for a second and gauge your reaction to this suggestion: did you chuckle? Scoff? Think it’s just plain silly?

If any of those were your reaction, then it’s proof wearing pink uniforms could work. The color forces you to pause, and disrupts your brain’s fear mechanisms.

Idea #3: Police training should include officers getting a knee drilled into their necks.

Simply telling a cop not to use excessive force is too abstract.

So in addition to taser training (where officers are shot with a taser), police trainees should be subjected to a knee getting drilled into their necks and experience asphyxiation firsthand.

Idea #4 : Police should have their badge numbers printed like those on pro sports uniforms.

This idea came from Reddit.

The goal is to promote more accountability and transparency. You can’t do that with partially concealed badge numbers, or expect the cop to just politely hand over their business card.

Idea #5 : Malpractice insurance for cops

Doctors have it. Why not cops?

Make it a high deductible policy. This motivates officers to be on their best behavior and to ensure their premiums remain low.

Also, half of the premiums can be returned to officers every year, who demonstrate good work in the community.

The other half will go to causes that promote tolerance and to build better, safer communities for minorities.

Idea #6 : Have a protest dance off

Instead of driving a police vehicle with a speakerphone blaring out warnings or ramming into protesters, it should play the ‘YMCA’ and encourage protesters and cops to dance together.

Or you can play hip hop and have a break dance competition. The idea is to ease tensions and show unity.

Idea #7 Stock market cop

The stock market works by rewarding companies that produce the most value with higher share price.

Do the same for cops. Instead of sending a check to your municipality for property taxes each year, set it up so that taxpayers can buy shares in cops who produce the most value.